Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mommy Dearest

I realize I haven't posted recently about what a mean parent I am. You see, I make my children do things like BRUSH THEIR TEETH or FLUSH THE TOILET or PUT THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET! Oh, THE HORROR! Judging from the whining and complaining, I'd say I'm in the running for the Meanest Mommy Award. Call Child Protective Services immediately, because my children are the most abused boys ON THE PLANET!

Of course, it's a miracle I didn't get arrested yesterday because...

wait for it...


I made Nick get a HAIRCUT!

Really, I don't deserve to be a mother.

As you can tell from Monday's post, our beautiful boys needed haircuts. George, a former Air Force officer who shaves his head completely bald, gets twitchy when his offsprings' hair touches their ears or collars. He demands they get haircuts and leaves it to me to execute the order.

He's a coward.

Jack actually has no problem with haircuts. In fact, at the barber shop last year, he saw a man getting a crew cut and said, "I want my hair cut like that guy!"

Nick, on the other hand, begins wailing and gnashing his teeth immediately upon the mere suggestion of getting a haircut, begging to get out of it and generally pitching a fit. As you can imagine, it isn't any better on the drive to the barber shop. He sobs, kicks the seat, and hurts my ears with his cries of despair. Meanwhile, Jack helpfully asks, "What's the matter, Nick?"

Monday morning, I sprang our trip to the barber on Nick suddenly to minimize my suffering, if not his. I also announced my intention to take pictures. He was subdued on the drive, sniffling quietly rather than pitching a full-blown fit. I was surprised. At the barber shop, I took this picture. Jack was trying to cheer his brother up. Nick was having nothing to do with it, but he also wouldn't look particularly upset either.

When he climbed into the barber's chair, I told him to look sad. He said, "NO!" The barber told him to pose for the picture, and he said, "No, she's just going to put it on her blog!"

Can't put anything over on this kid.

The other kid, however, was having a wonderful time having his long locks shorn.

In the end, Jack was, of course, happy with his super short do. I have to get more creative to torture him, such as offering him a turkey cheese dog instead of a regular cheese dog...the turkey ones are a different color, and he's convinced I'm trying to POISON HIM. Ah, I love the sound of the screams.

Nick, however, wouldn't even let me take a picture of his do. That's quite a flinch he's developed, don't you think?

So there you go. I torture my firstborn with trips to the barber shop AND THEN BLOG ABOUT IT. When he's full grown, his therapist is going to have a wonderful time with this.

I will, however, sleep with an easy heart, knowing my son's hair is NO LONGER MY RESPONSIBILITY and that I had some fun with his histrionics.


  1. Your boys are so handsome! (even with LONG hair!) That Jack has a wonderful smile, and I smiled at Nick's not wanting to smile! How funny... You, my dear, are cruel and evil! I think you should be banished to a room where all you can do is play with stamps 'n stuff!

  2. This sounds just like my son's shenanigans when he has to get his hair cut. But I think I would win the Meanest Mommy In The Universe Award because I am the one who cuts his hair! Oh, the horror of it all!

  3. Thankfully Z loves (I mean LOVES) to get his hair cut. He thinks it's a treat. Go figure.
    However, this morning in Target I was treated to this little gem:
    me: "Z, I can't see you, you need to keep up with me!"
    him: "You can see me with the eyes in the back of your head!"

    Oy vey! He's only *four*!

  4. Oh they are gorgeous boys. And what a cute smile Jack has. I think I was like your Nick when I was little, visits to the hairdressers filled me with dread. I never got the haircut I wanted as my Mum used to instruct the hairdresser on how she wanted my hair to look. I used to scowl at the mirror all the way through :)

  5. If you're the meanest mom in the world, then I'm a close second. My kids used to do their own laundry as soon as they were tall enough to reach the buttons on the washing machine! Not enough room here for the complete list of "mean" things I did to prepare them for adulthood...

  6. what handsome boys!! I am sad to say that this is the first time I've happened across your personal blog. I will be sure to stop by more often, as I too love the torturing of small children (and cats!) LOL

  7. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

    we lived through the "ever popular" 3 stooges haircut(if you can call it that) of mo. my fellas looked just RIDICULOUS with their hair cut like a bowl sitting on top of their heads.


    you are too, too funny!
    keep up the good work, ma.
    mean moms are the BEST!!


  8. You couldn't possibly be the meanest mom because I am!! My girls whined that their friends got to do everything, and I wouddn't let them do anything (insert eye roll here). Keep up the good work, my girls are nearly grown and love that they are able to do and think for themselves.. no shrinking violets here!!


Thanks so much for taking time to comment!