Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Lucky Zen State

I am in a Zen state as I reheat leftovers for dinner. We sit down, and the following conversation occurs:

Jack: I want to pee on the floor.

Nick [laughs hysterically]: He wants to pee on the floor!

George: I think he said he wants to be on the floor. What did you say, Jack?

Jack [slight impish grin]: I said, I want to pee on the floor.

Me: You would be in big trouble if you did.

George [teasing]: Yeah, we’ll treat you like a dog. We’ll rub your nose in it and throw you outside. [both boys laugh hysterically]

Me [Zen state compromised]: Let’s not talk about pee at the table.

At the end of the meal, my Zen state has been recovered by George’s brilliant chicken and dumplings. Hoover is begging, so I blow on his face. Dogs hate that, but in his beggarly intensity, Hoover barely reacts.

George: That was mean! Why did you do that to the dog?

Me [still Zen]: Because he’s an obnoxious beggar. [Look at dog, who is totally fixated on the table and more energized and alert than usual]. Are you going to jump on the bed all by yourself tonight, Hoover?

George: He looks like he could. He’s all full of piss and vinegar.

Nick [laughs hysterically]: That’s funny! Piss and vinegar! Piss and vinegar! Ha, ha.

Me: Do not repeat that, Nick.

George: Why not? It’s not bad.

Me: It’s not appropriate for school.

Nick: Piss and vinegar! Ha, ha. That’s funny!

Me: My Zen state is rapidly deteriorating.

George: You live in a house with three boys. Four if you count the dog. You’re lucky to have any Zen moments at all.


  1. I think you need to go out and get a female cat immediately!

  2. ha ha ha ha

    I have a teenage son who is fascinated by antique guns and loves to go to knife shows. He is healthy, well adjusted, a Boy Scout, wants to go to a military academy, but um, yeah, I'd be lying if I said his interests don't make me a bit "uncomfortable."

    I express my concerns to him in the following manner:

    "Please don't talk about this at school, OK? And don't tell the neighborhood kids about the knives. I really do not want to land on Oprah, trying to explain to a bunch of neurotic parents why I thought it was OK for my son to be fascinated with weapons."


    "Any more gun talk and I'm going to start introducing soy into your diet, OK?"


Thanks so much for taking time to comment!