George decided to have a tootsie pop out of the kids’ Easter baskets. The Easter Bunny—who is diabolically wicked and pagan to boot and I love him anyway—brought egg-shaped tootsie pops this year because he knows tootsie pops are one of the few candies Jack will eat. George unwrapped his grape-flavored pop and immediately saw the same thing I did, at the same time. He held it up and announced:
“This tootsie pop isn’t egg-shaped. It’s sperm-shaped.”
Don't you agree?
Now, I think we can state pretty definitively that there wasn’t a woman on the committee that named the iPad (still, its name isn’t keeping me, or George for that matter, from wanting one), but seriously, who thought the idea of sperm-shaped suckers was a good one? Anyone who’s been through fifth-grade sex education class KNOWS that shape and has giggled at cartoon images of it swimming upstream. I’m willing to bet there’s not a human over eleven years old who can eat one of these suckers with a straight face, either.
It gets funnier.
As we were giggling over the sucker’s shape, Nick walked up and asked, “What’s a sperm?”
Which resulted in helplessly juvenile giggling from the over-40 crowd in the house.
“No, seriously. What’s a sperm? I want to know what’s so funny.”
Oh, help me, Rhonda! I had a bite of peep in my mouth. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t swallow, and as the marshmallow dissolved, I felt like I’d either drown or throw up, which, in that moment, was hilariously funny and made me laugh harder.
I was completely incapable of speech, so George answered, through involuntary snorts and giggles, “I’ll tell you when I finish eating it. I can’t talk about it and eat this thing at the same time.” Then he made his sucker swim through the air.
Who knew laughing could hurt so much?
Once we got ourselves under control, we explained about sperm and egg cells and googled pictures of sperm so Nick would understand. Fortunately, he didn’t ask where sperm come from, so we were spared that much detail, but Oh. My. Gosh.
Sperm-shaped suckers. What will they think of next?
P.S. It is posts like this that keep me from putting “content-appropriate advertising” on this blog. Can you just imagine the sorts of ads that might pop up beside this? *shudder*
P.P.S. DUKE WON THE NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAY TO GO, BLUE DEVILS!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH K ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUTLER, I'M PROUD OF YOU, TOO!!!!!!