We have such scintillating and instructive dinner conversations in our house.
George: Nick, use your fork to eat your pastrami.
Me: Were you born in a barn? Do you want some hay?
Nick: [silly button pushed, grabs fork in fist and shovels food in his mouth, leaving a long piece of pastrami hanging unattractively from his mouth]
George: DUDE! You know better than that! And hold your fork right. You look like Ug the Caveman.
Nick: [gets even sillier]
George: No girl will ever go out on a second date with you if you eat like that.
Me: Yeah, and one day you will care about what girls think. I guarantee no girl will ever kiss you if you have such bad table manners.
Nick: [more silliness]
George: Seriously, dude, good manners are really important.
Me: BURRRRRRP! [It just snuck out, I swear!]
Nick: [hysterical, table-slapping laughter]
George: [to me] Thanks. You just undid years of good parenting.
Me: Do as I say, not as I do.
And for your listening enjoyment, The Mom Song.