Things I Will Never Do

Pinterest is full of such fun stuff, and beautiful stuff, and weird stuff. But some stuff I find there leaves me puzzled and wondering, "Who actually does this stuff?" Now, admittedly, some of these things might be fun, whimsical, or perhaps even useful in some way, but they are still things I will never do.

1. Chalk my hair. I won't color it either, so why waste time putting color on that will come off when I shower?

2. Make my own laundry detergent/dish soap/soap/window cleaner/fabric softener/shaving lotion/whatever. I prefer to spend less time cleaning, not more time just getting ready to do it. Besides, I've already stripped my cleaning routine to the barest minimum of supplies, and shaving lotion for us girls is entirely unnecessary if you use Dove soap.

3. Melt crayons to make drippy art. Some of the melted-crayon artworks on Pinterest are interesting, but so much can go wrong in the execution of this crafty project.

And for me, it will go wrong. Because I am Susan, the Anti-Martha.

4. Put glitter on my fingernails. Glitter never stays where you put it. Never. No good can come of putting it on my nails. I also won't do those fancy manicures there are so many pictures of. Lots of work, doesn't last. I won't bother...even though I appreciate and admire the fingers of those who do bother.

5. Make anything with a chevron design. All those pointy things hurt my eyes.

6. Spray-paint furniture. This makes me kinda sad. Some of the makeovers of old, dated, ugly furniture on Pinterest are absolutely miraculous, and I would love to have some of that furniture in my house. But painting furniture is one of those things that makes me say, "Yeah, uh, no. Just no." Because I'd be paintin' in the garage, and bugs would be landin' in my paint.

Dragonfly in enamel.

Ew.

7. Fold my sheet sets into tidy little bundles that look like store displays on a linen closet shelf. I settle for putting each awkwardly-folded bedsheet set inside one rather lumpy pillowcase and tossing the wads into a storage bin. Works just fine. Life it too short to spend time folding sheets.

Unless, of course, it makes you happy.

8. Create a light fixture out of plastic spoons. Because no matter how cool it looks in the photos, I'll always know it's just plastic spoons.

9. Lose weight using the perfect weight loss tip from Pinterest. Generally, all I have to do to lose weight is eat less and move more. It's really quite simple.

10. Get a tattoo. I don't judge those who do, but I like my skin clean and simple and unembellished. Besides, I know that whatever I like right now, ten years from now will leave me scratching my head wondering what I was thinking.

Now, in ten years, we can see how many of these I violated. It's a very dangerous thing to say, "I will never do that."

Because you just never know.



Have you ever done anything you said you would never do? I bought a Nook. Well, more accurately, George bought me a Nook. But I asked for it. Oh, yes. I asked for it.