Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Things I Will Never Do

Pinterest is full of such fun stuff, and beautiful stuff, and weird stuff. But some stuff I find there leaves me puzzled and wondering, "Who actually does this stuff?" Now, admittedly, some of these things might be fun, whimsical, or perhaps even useful in some way, but they are still things I will never do.

1. Chalk my hair. I won't color it either, so why waste time putting color on that will come off when I shower?

2. Make my own laundry detergent/dish soap/soap/window cleaner/fabric softener/shaving lotion/whatever. I prefer to spend less time cleaning, not more time just getting ready to do it. Besides, I've already stripped my cleaning routine to the barest minimum of supplies, and shaving lotion for us girls is entirely unnecessary if you use Dove soap.

3. Melt crayons to make drippy art. Some of the melted-crayon artworks on Pinterest are interesting, but so much can go wrong in the execution of this crafty project.

And for me, it will go wrong. Because I am Susan, the Anti-Martha.

4. Put glitter on my fingernails. Glitter never stays where you put it. Never. No good can come of putting it on my nails. I also won't do those fancy manicures there are so many pictures of. Lots of work, doesn't last. I won't bother...even though I appreciate and admire the fingers of those who do bother.

5. Make anything with a chevron design. All those pointy things hurt my eyes.

6. Spray-paint furniture. This makes me kinda sad. Some of the makeovers of old, dated, ugly furniture on Pinterest are absolutely miraculous, and I would love to have some of that furniture in my house. But painting furniture is one of those things that makes me say, "Yeah, uh, no. Just no." Because I'd be paintin' in the garage, and bugs would be landin' in my paint.

Dragonfly in enamel.


7. Fold my sheet sets into tidy little bundles that look like store displays on a linen closet shelf. I settle for putting each awkwardly-folded bedsheet set inside one rather lumpy pillowcase and tossing the wads into a storage bin. Works just fine. Life it too short to spend time folding sheets.

Unless, of course, it makes you happy.

8. Create a light fixture out of plastic spoons. Because no matter how cool it looks in the photos, I'll always know it's just plastic spoons.

9. Lose weight using the perfect weight loss tip from Pinterest. Generally, all I have to do to lose weight is eat less and move more. It's really quite simple.

10. Get a tattoo. I don't judge those who do, but I like my skin clean and simple and unembellished. Besides, I know that whatever I like right now, ten years from now will leave me scratching my head wondering what I was thinking.

Now, in ten years, we can see how many of these I violated. It's a very dangerous thing to say, "I will never do that."

Because you just never know.

Have you ever done anything you said you would never do? I bought a Nook. Well, more accurately, George bought me a Nook. But I asked for it. Oh, yes. I asked for it.


  1. cracked up reading this. I also bought a nook -- and so far play scrabble on it.

  2. I've made eye makeup remover :) Only because I had the stuff and was curious. Now I'm a convert. I agree with most of the other stuff-very funny the stuff people do.

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  4. This made me laugh! I just pinned how to fold sheets into a perfect wrapped package. I won't do many of the things you mentioned, but I will try to fancy-fold my sheets. I'm a bit Martha like that.

  5. Why, hello, anti-Martha! I never would have guessed, LOL!

    Chalk in hair? Ick!

    I saw the idea of folding sheet sets into pillowcases on Pinterest, and it piqued my interest. Now that I hear that you do it too, I'm going to try it! Perhaps when I reorganise the linen closet, I'll find those missing pillow cases...

    As for tattoos, I explained to my girls the concept of fashion and tattoos - I asked them to imagine getting their favourite picture at the age of 5 on their skin (such as Dora) and then think if they would like that when they are 15. Such a powerful image, I may have cured them of tattoos forever! :-)

    I am absolutely certain I have done many little things I said I would never do, but not the BIG things (the ones based in values and ethics). We're human, we're designed to change our minds. ;-)

  6. Well put :) I said I would never have pink in my house (I'm not a pink lover) and then I had a baby girl who loved pink. Guess what colour her room is ;) Thought I'd never be a soccer mom....yah right....now I stand in sun, rain, wind, cold, sleet and sheer like a banchee LOL!

  7. Hello I'm the UK Anti- Martha. I'm happy in my skin, in my home (even though there is a fine layer of dust), in my group of family and friends and in my place in the world. I also love looking on Pinterest just at wonderment at the things people make, do and pin. Each to her/his own but I'd rather make cards!

    Pam xx

  8. I, too, love looking at Pinterest and thinking, "Who would do that?" and I try to never say never, because you never know. How about a tatoo of a pear? That would be interesting, no?

  9. My mother would fold sheets into sets so that is what I do. Maybe not as neat as the ones you mentioned but .... The one thing I said I would never do is become a teacher. In high school that was an OMG NEVER!! Guess what I became - a teacher and I love it!

  10. I said I would never have children, and I have two.

    And I can't believe someone who has AR/OCD like you just throws the sheets in the pillow case. Aaaah, the horror!!! Folding sheets (and towels and washcloths) neatly is something I have to do. I tried to let my hubby do it, but it was so stressful for me to see the 'mess' that I have to do it myself. And yes, it does make me happy. : )

  11. Caught! XD
    I'm guilty of 2, 3, 4, 7 and 10. And *seriously* intrigued by #1. What can I say? Some have been successful, some not-so-much (crayon art is not awesome at home, at least not in my home).
    I do draw the line at plastic spoon light fixtures. A girl has to draw the line somewhere!

  12. I've said I will never buy a nook/kindle. Love my free, latest edition books from the library. BUT, I may have to travel for work this winter; six weeks out of town. Ugh, I may have to break down and get a portable reader.

    I agree with all of your I won'ts. Although hair color is a must in my little world.

    Weight loss tips just make me sad; too many people trying to circumnavigate the real issue. Eat less, move more...you are so right!

    Speaking of moving more; we bought a rower! We've been trying for some time to decide on a second piece of aerobic equipment for the our workout room.

    We bought a waterrower on ebay and picked it up last Sunday. Two sessions so far; I'll keep you posted!

  13. I said I would never gain back the 15 pounds I lost 10 years ago...and yet I did (as I eat Oreos checking my email.)

  14. Oh my, this just cracked me up, because I'm horribly addicted to Pinterest, and I've seen just about everything you referred to. And I'm glad George rescued the dove. I don't think I'd feel the same about a banana slug, but I did feel very bad for the dragonfly that crashed into my windshield today.
    Also glad to hear you are feeling better, I get such pleasure from reading your blogs.


Thanks so much for taking time to comment!