Well, It’s Been a Minute…

In the past few weeks, I’ve been planning a unit for my English Composition I students titled, very creatively, News Media Evaluation. Usually, I spend a day on news evaluation during the research paper unit for Comp I, reserving an in-depth unit for Comp II students, but, well, given the state of our union here in the U.S., perhaps all of us could benefit from improving our skills evaluating news media. 

Because, damn.

So let’s start by defining the problem. It all began decades ago when CNN burst onto the scene with a 24-hour news cycle and uncovered a deeply profound truth about news: it’s not that interesting. Lots of what constitutes important news—financial news, complex and nuanced international issues, politics—doesn’t make good television. In fact, it’ll bore most people to sleep…or to change the channel. So CNN had to invent ways to keep the audience tuned in and entertained. 

Walter Cronkite didn’t care if we were entertained. That wasn’t his job. He reported the news in 30 minutes every day, and you could read a newspaper if you wanted more details. 

Now, keep in mind that the “good old days” of three channels of news did pose some problems, as the gatekeepers of news skewed issues (Vietnam, for instance) in ways that the general public might not have wanted. But the free-for-all that news has become since the internet and social media exploded on the scene leaves us (hopefully) highly aware of how inadequate our knowledge is. 

If you think you know “the truth” because you watch CNN or Fox News, you are sadly mistaken.

As the meme says, “The problem with the world is that intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

So how might we consume news that doesn’t make us crazy or stupidly full of confidence, but instead gives us enough solid information to make good decisions?

Here are a few ideas that I teach my students.

1. Don’t just read headlines. Headlines are written to grab your attention, and often play on fears or generate anger. These two emotions grab clicks by playing on our survival instincts, driven by a negativity bias that saved our butts in caveman days. Often, these sensationalized headlines do not accurately reflect an article’s content. Even extremely reputable news sources fall into this bad habit in order to survive in the highly competitive industry. 

2. Look at media from both sides of the political aisle, and read all of it with skepticism, especially when you agree with it. Hold onto what you “know” loosely, and be willing to shift your thinking as you gain better information. Move easily between the little details and big picture context of a news topic, allowing the little details to change the big picture and the big picture to influence the little details. This habit is actually one definition of an educated mind.

3. Understand that science is more often right than wrong, but it takes time to do science, and until the research is replicated over time, it’s hard for ETHICAL scientists to make hard statements of “truth.” Mostly, they hedge their claims with the need to do further research. 

Also, science reporting is notoriously skewed to grandiose headlines that sometimes do not reflect the scientists’ conclusions. If you can find the original research upon which the popular reporting is based, you will often find that the research doesn’t make hard claims. So Baby Einstein videos don’t make babies smarter and having nightlights in nurseries doesn’t make babies myopic by age eight…despite what original research tentatively found. All scientists can do is give you their best guess, but their guesses are usually better than most. 

4. If you see a headline that really appeals to you, or see something on social media posted by a “personality” or “influencer,” do a little research. I recently saw two reels on Facebook making claims about different bills in state legislatures, both of which provoked an angry response in me. I did the research, looking up the text of the bills, read them, and found that one reel was absolutely correct and the other WAY overstated the problem. Sometimes sources are right, and sometimes they are wrong. Most often, they are somewhere in between. Again, be cautious and do your own research. 

5. If you’re looking for certainty and absolute truths, you’ll likely be taken in by the worst of extremes. Always, always remember that the truth could be simply a matter of perspective, culture, or faith. It’s better to be humble and learn than to cram your opinion and perspective down someone else’s throat. What if you end up being wrong?

6. Be on alert for logical fallacies.  Schools—even colleges and universities—do a crappy job of teaching logic, a subject that was core study in the Middle Ages, by the way. Take a look at THIS LIST of logical fallacies, and be alert for them, especially in anything touching on politics. 

Well, that’s enough preaching from my lectern for now. Be careful out there, and remember to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. 

Because not a one of us is God. 

Thanks, a New Puppy, Graduation, and an Update on Email Subscriptions

So let's start with the email subscription issue. Feedburner goes defunct next week, so if you receive this blog in your email, you will no longer receive it after Feedburner shuts operations. I am researching other options and will post as soon as I do implement one of them. You will be able to re-subscribe on the new platform if you wish. 

Until then, you are invited to bookmark this blog and check in periodically. I hope to post more frequently in the coming weeks as my stamping time is, indeed, getting longer during the summer.

Now, for the new puppy. Putting Daisy to sleep was so very, very hard, and we are all still grieving that loss. She was a once-in-a-lifetime dog, so very special. Cooper became very sad, too, and we called his breeder to see if she would put us on the list for her next litter. She did better than that: she offered us a puppy she had planned on keeping for herself, a puppy who was almost old enough to go to her forever home. We named this puppy Lily.

In addition to this wonderful new puppy adventure, our son Jack graduated from high school. From riding the "special" bus to tooting his horn and heading to community college in the fall. I'm so proud of this young man!

The Springboro High School Band Program offers a scholarship every year in memory of Kyle Chowen, a former student who loved the band with his whole heart, came early, stayed late, volunteered for everything. Kyle passed away far too young, and the scholarship named after him went to Jack this year because Jack loves the band with his whole heart, too. 

This momma's heart was full. So very full. 

And now for the thanks. Thank you all for reading this little blog, for all your cards and emails and comments of support and love, especially in the past month, and for loving this hobby so much. 

Thank you. 

Grief and Balm

My husband asked me to post this from Simplicity to Questioning. Here you go.

 Author Dean Koontz wrote about his grief after his golden retriever Trixie died. One day, he and his wife were walking and saw a perfect golden butterfly flying by. That butterfly sighting left them feeling at peace, as if the butterfly carried a message to them that Trixie was fine and they would be, too. 

When our golden retriever Hoover died, we told him to send us a golden butterfly, and he sent us Daisy. She was our golden butterfly for 11 years. 

In the week and a half she's been gone, the longest I've made it without crying is 24 hours. She's been by far the hardest of our dogs to grieve for. Cooper is grieving, too. After the first few days, he became mopey and sad. 

Friends of my son sent us this message:

We heard that you had lost your precious Daisy and wanted you to know that we are very sad for your loss. Many times the loss of a pet is the hardest of all as we know that they always expect their humans to make it all better and usually we can...until we cannot. Our final takeaway from them after all of their years of giving us their absolute all every minute of their short lives is that we were always in their best place to possibly be when they were with us. We were their everything and the most excellent life we lived with them is all they wanted. Their true Heaven was here on earth with us. Now, go get a puppy!

We are taking their advice. Meet our new golden butterfly.

My husband wanted a new puppy ASAP, and I contacted Cooper's breeder. She informed me that a female became available from a litter that's ready to go to their new homes this weekend. She's cuddly, sweet, and not an alpha pup. 

Miss Lilac (so-called for the color of ribbon she wears to distinguish her from her littermates) is coming to live with us the weekend after next. (This weekend is Jack's high school graduation...no puppy should have to deal with that chaos!) 

Neither George nor I can picture ourselves yelling "Lilac!!!" to call her inside, so the short list of possible names includes Clover, Lily, and Magnolia. Lily is the frontrunner, simply because it's close to Lilac and might cause her less confusion. I prefer Clover because it has "love" in the middle, and George likes Magnolia because we can call her Maggie for everyday and Magnolia (with a southern accent) when we're mad at her.

It's hard right now to imagine EVER being mad at that sweet face, but after she widdles on my shoes and chews a pillow to pieces, we just might raise our voices. 

A new dog never, ever replaces a dog in our hearts. The gaping hole left by Daisy will take a very long time to heal. But little Clover/Lily/Maggie will wiggle her way into our hearts and lives in her own uniquely golden way. 

Grief is love with nowhere to go, and I think Daisy, who was the embodiment of fur-covered love, will appreciate us pouring the love she can't receive right now into this new puppy. 

Cooper will have a playmate again. 

And Daisy will wait for us like the good dog she was, is, and forever will be. 

Mercy, grace, peace, and most of all love,

Susan

Our Viral Grief

Often, people think of grief only in terms of loss through death, but we grieve—often very deeply—other types of loss. In the face of pandemic, we have much to grieve from stay-at-home orders and social distancing. We grieve missed hugs, financial losses, and the loss of physical community for worship, work, and school. We grieve lost vacations, sporting events, graduations, weddings, and funerals. 

We want to do the right thing—flatten the curve for everyone—but the losses hurt. How can we process all this hurt and deal with this new, viral grief?

Recognize your feelings. Grief can stir up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings that need to be acknowledged. Feelings are neither good nor bad…they just are. We can’t control what we feel, but we can control how we respond. The first step in responding well to our feelings is to recognize them. 

Accept your feelings. For instance, Christians sometimes think it’s a sin to be angry at God and therefore have a hard time accepting that feeling. The good news is that God’s not afraid of our anger. God’s love in infinite. God can handle our anger and every other feeling our grief might conjure up.  

Express your feelings. Cry. Punch a pillow. Keep a journal. Pray.

Trust that feelings are unique to each of us. People might have the same source of grief but very different feelings about it. Trust that everyone’s doing their best with their feelings…even you! Treat others’ feelings the way you want them to treat yours, even if you might not understand them.

Share your feelings with someone you trust. Often, the most healing part of working through grief is putting the words out there; feelings often lose power in the open air. Talk with someone who listens without judgment, without trying to “fix” the feelings, and without telling you what you “should” do. (And remember to be a good listener when others share their feelings with you!)

C.S. Lewis said, “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” Indeed, we now see in our response to this pandemic just how closely related fear and grief are. God is with us as we wash our hands and struggle with this new—and temporary—normal. God is with us through this uncertainty, fear, and grief. God gave us feelings; let us work through them together. 

This is a slightly edited article I wrote for our church newsletter, and it comes out of my experience as a Stephen Minister and Leader. If you want more information, please email me through the blog. Blessings and peace to everyone. ~Susan

The Lenten Fast

I found this on Facebook and simply must share. It captures how I feel about Lent and how we might respond to Lent not by taking away something but by adding holy practices to our lives and thus giving more time to God.

If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts on and practices for Lent? If you're not a Christian, do you have any questions about Lent (the time leading up to Easter)? 

Good Words to Ponder #2

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What strikes me most about these good words to ponder? How few people we can talk to for this purpose. First, the person must be trustworthy and not a gossip. Second, he or she has to know how to listen simply, without judging or troubleshooting to fix the problem or turning the talk back to themselves.

Who listens simply for you when you need it? Do you listen simply for others when they need it? How could you be a better listener?

Words to ponder.

Book Wisdom: Mudita

This post is the first in an ongoing series of nuggets of knowledge and wisdom I mine in books. These little nuggets will focus on kindness, peace, joy, mercy, love, compassion, mindfulness, and personal growth. No doubt this wisdom from books will be quite eclectic (as is my reading list!), but each post will, I hope, give you food for thought...and perhaps ideas for your own reading list.  


About five years ago, I read The Universe in a Single Atom by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and was fascinated by the depth and breadth of the openness this man promotes both through his actions and his words.

Openness.

We need more of that.

So when I saw The Book of Joy at my local Barnes & Noble, with its face-to-face picture of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, I bought it and immediately dove in to page after page of wisdom and inspiration from two big hearts and open minds. The book documents a week-long meeting of these two Nobel Peace Prize Laureates and faith leaders as they discuss the subject of joy in a harsh and difficult world.

As you can see, I had to start marking passages to go back to, to reflect on, to remember, but now, a year later, I'm simply re-reading the whole thing.

The nugget of inspiration I want to explore from The Book of Joy today is the word mudita. Buddhists define mudita as the joy that comes from someone else's joy. It's the opposite of schadenfreude, which is German for the pleasure that comes from someone else's suffering.

Reading the definition of mudita in The Book of Joy made me think of Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts. (Don't you love it when books cross-pollinate in your mind?) Back in 2011, I came across Voskamp's book about gratitude and immediately began my own gratitude journal. I read blogs and other books on gratitude, wrote numerous posts about gratitude, and cultivated gratitude as a habit of mind.

This intentional study stuck and is one of the most transformative habits I've ever instilled in myself.

Mudita gave a name to a powerful side-effect of practicing gratitude. I would frequently find myself, in the midst of stress or worry or conflict, smiling. At first, I was a bit confused that my joy couldn't be suppressed by whatever was bothering me, but I quickly realized that practicing gratitude had rewired my thoughts.

Often, when negative thoughts about my own situation seemed to grow big, random thoughts of gratitude welled up and pushed the negative thoughts into a more realistic perspective...and these moments of gratitude in my own pain were almost always thoughts of someone else's blessing.

Mudita. Mudita for my friend whose leadership has turned around a faltering adult literacy program and has caused ripples of joy for so many people. Mudita for a first-time grandmother who is beaming with joy. Mudita for a friend with a new job. Mudita for my son and my niece who got into their first choices for college. Mudita for another niece who is getting married. Mudita for travel photos of other people's fabulous vacations on Facebook.

You can find mudita everywhere.

But you have to be open to it, cultivate it, let it well up inside of you, and overflow in celebration with another human being. 

The result: joy.



Questions for Thought
What do you think of the idea of mudita? Have you experienced mudita recently? If so, please share your experience in the comments. How might you cultivate mudita in yourself and encourage it in others?

Good Words to Ponder #1

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It's easy to be seduced into being someone other than yourself. Family, friends, bosses, teachers...all the people we encounter may want you to be someone that's convenient for them, and some of them, with either good or bad intent, may be very good at manipulating you into being that person.

This week, ponder how you are you. What can only you do? Are you doing it? Why or why not? Pick one thing you love about you and let it flow!

Responding to the Crazy

Oh, my.

In the past year, we've seen and heard so much crazy that I've pretty much shut down writing and retreated to the creative world of Simplicity. How does one respond to a nation seemingly overrun with debauchery, discord, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, hatred, anger, fear, gossip, lies, posturing, back-stabbing, oppression, discrimination, harassment, arrogance?

How?

I'm not sure what to do, but I've become increasingly convinced that silence isn't the answer, which is why I'm writing again.

On this morning celebrating the work and life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a friend living in Virginia received a KKK propaganda packet at the end of her driveway. So did all her neighbors. Hate is trying to spread.

"Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." 

That long list of misery in my second paragraph follows pretty closely Paul's list of fruits of the flesh in his letter to the Galatians. When people behave in these ways, they feed others this terrible fruit that poisons and pollutes and tears down relationships, families, communities, cities, states, nations.

We can't destroy those terrible things by adding more terrible things to the world.

Dr. King was ever so right about that.

When we respond to the crazy fruits of the flesh, we need to respond with fruits of the spirit. We need to grow love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When others eat of this fruit, they are nourished and built up and grow good fruit of their own to feed others. The good fruit spreads.

I have admired these fruits in the words of an immigration lawyer being interviewed on NPR.

I have admired these fruits in the voices of my bishop and pastor in the United Methodist Church.

I have admired these fruits in the hard work and leadership savvy of my friend who has miraculously revitalized our county's adult literacy program.

I have admired these fruits in the actions of my friend the CASA volunteer.

I have admired these fruits in the steady stand of peaceful counter-protesters at white-supremacist rallies.

I have admired these fruits at every Stephen Ministry meeting I attend.

These fruits are EVERYWHERE. Don't let the media fool you into believing that only fruits of the flesh are out there. Good is being done all over the place. Look for it. Listen for it. Encourage it. Be a part of it.

Dr. King asked a very important question: What are you doing for others?

This is the answer to the crazy. We don't grow the fruit to eat it ourselves but to feed others. Are you giving good fruit to those around you? Are you actively promoting kindness, gentleness, peace, goodness, love, faithfulness, and joy in all places in your life (personal, professional, public, and private)? Are you exercising patience and self-control when others around you aren't?

Or are you sitting back crossing your fingers, hoping these good things win against the hate and bigotry and belittling and division and arrogance and anger and other assorted ugliness?

Or, worse, are you trying to fight the hate with hate...and adding to the crazy?

Use your gifts, whatever they may be, to grow good fruit for others. Ask yourself how you can actively protect and help those who have less, those from other countries, those suffering addictions, those whose identities and orientations may not be the same as yours...anyone who needs a hand.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Respond to the crazy by growing love, speaking love, doing love as only you can.

I'm going to write love. 

What are you going to do?

Cultivate Curiosity

Yesterday, I sat and read at the cafe at Kroger while Jack and his therapist shopped. A smiling lady walked by and asked, "Is it a good book?" 

"Well, I just started it." 

"What is it?" 

I closed the book and showed her the front cover. "Alan Alda's If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? My Adventures in the Art And Science of Relating and Communicating."

The lady's smile became fixed. She said nothing (not one word!), turned, and walked away.

I hadn't learned much by page 8 of the book. Oh, the irony!

Now, I don't want to draw too much meaning from this amusing little exchange. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I do. I'm an English major. It's what we do. 

So let's start with unmet expectations. My sister suggested this woman might have expected me to be reading "Hot, Savage Love." While we will never know what she expected, it seems fairly obvious this woman thought I'd be reading something she would read or at least something she could relate to. Why else interrupt my reading with her question in the first place?

When confronted with a cumbersomely long title about the art and science of relating, however, she was stumped...so stumped she couldn't even muster a polite "how interesting" or "I hope you enjoy it." 

Her expectations ran head-first into a brick wall with my reading choice, and she walked away stunned and unable to speak.

Why?

In the early pages of the book, Alda explained that the success of the television show Scientific American Frontiers came, at least in part, from his willingness do two things simultaneously: to embrace his ignorance of science and to communicate burning curiosity to the scientists he interviewed. Frontiers ran for 11 years and covered an enormous range of scientific topics. These two things--Alda's ignorance and curiosity--brought out the scientists' own enthusiasm for their subject and brought greater clarity to their answers. 

Ignorance and curiosity. 

We all have the first characteristic in abundance, but rarely do we want it to show. Yet the only way to overcome ignorance is to be curious. Curiosity takes energy and effort, openness and vulnerability. Yet great things happen when we can admit our ignorance and seek answers.

I don't know if it's our our current cultural climate of anti-intellectual bullying and divisiveness or simple human nature that's killing curiosity and causing us to walk away from that which we don't understand, but it makes me sad. 

The more I know, the more I know that I know nothing. 

These words can lead us to despair and give up, or they can inspire us to fresh curiosity. They led me to pick up Alda's If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? Twenty-two pages in, I'm glad I did. 

Where are you cultivating curiosity in your life? Where are you walking away from something you don't understand? How might you (and others!) benefit from your letting your ignorance show?

Radical Self Care: Cut the Clutter

Just in case you need a reminder or are new to this blog...here are the first four posts on Radical Self Care

Suggestion One: Have a Hobby or Two

Suggestion Two: Cultivate Comforting Rituals

Suggestion Three: Say No to What Deserves a No

Suggestion Four: Practice the Pause



'Tis the season for respiratory crud, and it laid me low in February. The number of products we need to get well is simply astonishing, and as I recovered, the clutter of tissue boxes, medicine bottles, cough-drop wrappers, and pill blister packs overwhelmed me.

While putting away all that "sick" stuff gave me deep satisfaction, I simultaneously noticed an alarming amount of other clutter that's accumulated in my house, especially my bathroom and bedroom. My make-up drawer was so cluttered that looking for the right item was like finding Waldo. Minutes pass, and then I exclaim, "There it is!"

With these experiences in mind, I stumbled across this pin on Pinterest.

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Unmade decisions contribute mightily to stress. Half the stuff in my make-up drawer, for instance, simply needed to be tossed: used-up lip gloss tubes and eye-shadow trays, dirty cotton balls, an empty mascara, a dozen hair clips that my new, shorter do won't even accommodate. I needed to make the decision to throw away the trash and move the unused supplies to storage.

I made that decision.

It felt glorious!

A half hour of my time cleared all the clutter from my bathroom and my beside table. Ever since, those places fill me with satisfaction and peace each time I visit them.

Often, we labor under the assumption that we have to clear all the clutter at once. This is such a huge undertaking for most of us that it's much easier to procrastinate...and add to our stress. Instead, take care of the small, manageable messes. Pick one small but frequently visited area and tackle that. Then pick another. And another. Cut the clutter one manageable mess at a time.

You'll be glad you did.

Radical Self Care: Suggestion Number Four

Just in case you need a reminder or are new to this blog...here are the first three posts on Radical Self Care

Suggestion One: Have a Hobby or Two

Suggestion Two: Cultivate Comforting Rituals

Suggestion Three: Say No to What Deserves a No



I've gone rather silent in the past weeks. Interestingly (at least to me), I've written several posts for the blog and Facebook, and deleted all of them. There's been a LOT of reacting to the events of January, and much of the reaction--on both sides of the political divide--has made me sad and reflective.

Where do we go from here? How do we turn knee-jerk reaction into effective response that brings our nation and our world together in compassionate, productive, healthy ways?

I was pleased that the Women's March on DC (and all over the world) stayed safe and non-violent, not least because my sister, niece, and nephew were marching in DC and friends were marching in Atlanta, Denver, Cincinnati, and Dayton. Without exception, all my friends and family who marched felt inspired and uplifted by the experience, but I watched, concerned, at the viciousness of some of the signs waved, the gloating and insults of the Trump camp toward those who were marching, and the completely appalling nastiness on social media toward Trump's ten-year-old son.

In the spirit of my series on Radical Self Care, inspired by Anne Lamott's excellent turn-of-phrase, today's post suggests a way to exercise radical self care in the midst of all this weirdness, conflict, fear, and anger.

Practice the Pause.

That's right. Pause. Reflect. Don't react. At least not yet, not right away.

It's helpful to remember that when we get a piece of information, it's only one piece of a much larger and very complicated puzzle. There will very well come a time when reaction is necessary, helpful, and just. You might even have encountered such moments in the past weeks. Wisdom includes being able to know when to react, why you're reacting, to what purpose you are reacting, and how to react to achieve that purpose.

When you react without pausing to think, especially in negatively charged situations, you contribute to the chaos.

We often regret our reactions when they are made in haste and high emotion. We read a post on Facebook, are immediately outraged, share widely, and then learn that the post is inaccurate, misleading, or an outright lie. A friend posts an opinion we find offensive, we slam them hard, and suddenly we've lost a friend over nothing more than a poor choice of words.

Much of what we encounter in media these days is specifically written or photoshopped to generate strong emotions...often fear and rage. When you feel those two emotions sparked by something you encounter either in mass media or social media, pause.

Breathe.

Ask questions. Who is sparking this emotion in me? Why would they do this? How are they trying to manipulate me? Does this issue truly matter, or is it superficial, distracting me from more important issues? Is my reaction worthwhile and productive, or am I being unhealthily manipulated?  Does my immediate reaction represent my true self or am I being manipulated to serve someone else's agenda?

Emotions come and go. Pause, and let your character manage your reactions, not the temporary and changeable whims of emotion. Are you kind, compassionate, thoughtful, helpful, constructive? Let your reactions reflect your best self.

How many of the people who speak or write hateful, hurtful, angry, self-centered, condescending, racist, destructive words see themselves as hateful, hurtful, angry, self-centered, condescending, racist, destructive people? Perhaps more importantly,  do they see themselves at all? Have they become so superficially reactive to the world around them that they simply don't pause to think, to reflect, to fact-check?

Slow down and take care of yourself radically in the midst of the media drama.

Practice the pause.



Have you reacted recently without thinking? What were the consequences? Do you regret it? 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

When the rhetoric of our time has become so divisive and ugly, so self-serving and petty, we need men and women who speak the truth in love. We need this day to honor a man who gave us powerful words that call out for justice and equality, for peace and love, for compassion and unity.

While many of Dr. King's words have been quoted on social media today, I want to highlight one sentence that strikes a powerful chord in me tonight.

"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence."

It's so easy to feel as if there's nothing we can do in times of division and crisis...times such as we see now. It's too big for us, we think, and we focus on protecting ourselves, our interests, our piece of the pie. Sometimes, we even join in the mud-slinging and division because it feels safer to join in with the crowds.

But these feelings of helplessness are a fallacy. We are far more powerful than we think, and Dr. King's words point us in the direction of exercising our power for wonderful good.

Uplift humanity.

Do this with excellence, wherever you are and whoever you are. Start with your family, your neighbor, your church or temple or mosque, your community, your workplace, your city. Uplift humanity, even if only in the form of a single person, each and every day. Actively look for places you can serve.

Commit to lifting others up, and you will be lifted along with everyone else. That is the truth of service to others. Everyone wins, and the victory ripples out into a world that badly needs victory for all its people.

Dr. King also said, "Every man must choose whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." That key phrase, creative altruism, involves looking out from where you are and seeing the need in front of you...and addressing it in whatever way you can, small or large.

We have that power. Each and every one of us. And in taking it up, we gain dignity and freedom not only for ourselves, but for the world.

Thank you, Dr. King. The painstaking excellence of your words lives on, and I will do what I can to uplift humanity in my own creative ways.


How might you uplift humanity where you are right now? How might you create ripples of victory?

Welcome 2017

Starting fresh.

Turning a new page.

Hope.

Beginnings make us reflect on where we've been and where we are and where we are headed. In the past, I've always wanted to find a word or theme for the the new year, and most years, by April, I've forgotten what that might be. But there are themes that have stayed consistent for me in the past decade or so...themes like love, gratitude, acceptance, inclusion, caring, compassion, books, minimalism, simplicity, faith.

And coffee. We must not forget coffee.

To start this year, I'm reading The Book of Joy by The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, with Douglas Abrams. It's fantastic, and it's a sure bet that you'll find thoughts on that book here in the coming months. To start this year, I'm drawing on a quotation from the Dalai Lama.

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Truth.

So the challenge is this: how can I be more of a peacemaker, healer, restorer, storyteller, and lover?

I like challenges. I'm already working on this one. And I'm feeling optimistic.

Are you with me?


What challenges are you working on this year? What sort of person do you want to grow toward this year? 

Merry Christmas

To all of you, wherever you are and whether you celebrate Christmas or another holy day or nothing at all on December 25th....

I wish for us all four things:

Hope that things will get better.

Peace in our hearts, even in the midst of conflict.

Joy in every small blessing...and in every great one, too.

Love that is unearned, unrepayable, and unending, flowing to us and through us to others.

And to those who do celebrate Christmas, may you be blessed by the remembered presence of the Messiah in the manger, Emmanuel, God with Us.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Radical Self Care: Suggestion Number Three

We've explored how hobbies and rituals are important to self care, and today, we're going to learn one very powerful word that allows us to take care of ourselves in many, many areas of life.

That word is no.

No.

As in, no, thank you, I don't wish to chair that committee. Or no, I will not bake 12-dozen cookies for a cookie swap two days before Christmas. Or no, I will not find seven different outfits to fit the seven themed Holiday Spirit Days for my eighth grader.

I'm not making that last one up. The student council came up with the following plan for showing holiday spirit on the last seven days of class:

12/12 Merry Monday Morning (PJ day)
12/13 Holiday Head to Toe [sic] Tuesday
12/14 Worst Wacky Sweater Wednesday
12/15 Favorite (Winter) Sports Team Thursday
12/16 Flannel Friday
12/19 Grinch Green Monday
12/20 Rudolph Red Tuesday
Clothes should be school appropriate. 

Tortured alliteration and hyphen neglect aside, this list represents exactly what is wrong with our culture. Well, one thing that's wrong.

It's too much. 

Too much time, too much planning...for what purpose? How many children have a wardrobe specifically tailored to this list? Not my son, that's for sure. The list is absurd because it's even a list. One day of holiday clothes, perhaps the last day before break, would have been festive. Most children are able to find a Santa hat or red sweater or jingle-bell necklace or Rudolph antlers or Christmas tree socks or a green scarf or a homemade paper snowflake to pin to their shirt. One day is do-able.

But seven days of different outfits?

No.

I might even have gotten fancy and said, "Nopity, nope, nope, nope." 

More is not always better. In fact, more can cripple us if we let it. Part of wisdom is discerning the difference between genuinely worthwhile activities and time wasters.

I am not always wise, but the Holiday Spirit Days...that was a no-brainer.

No.

Radical self care requires us to examine how we spend our time and to allocate it reasonably. Allocating time reasonably must, of necessity, include saying no when appropriate. It's the when appropriate that trips many of us up. We say yes because we feel obligated, we feel peer pressure, we feel vulnerable not hanging with the herd. Aren't there lions out there waiting to feed on outliers?

No. 

In fact, it's sensible and good to have a healthy no. Most of our neighbors have gorgeous Christmas lighting. I suspect a few of them paid a service to put the lights up. It's grand to drive down our street at night, and we enjoy the spectacle.

We, in comparison, might as well be Jewish or Jehovah's Witnesses. We have a small conifer by the front door wrapped in lights and a large lit reindeer standing near it. George made a comment about how pathetic our display is compared to our neighbors' displays.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that putting up Christmas lights is a waste of time or energy. What I'm saying is that if doing something brings you joy, do it. If it feels like a burden, don't do it. We all have different set-points for blessings and burdens. Pay attention to your needs.

So I said yes to one more thing: LED candles for the windows. These brilliant battery-operated lights come with a built-in timer. They burn for eight hours, automatically turn off for 16 hours, and then come back on...without any effort on my part. Nor will I need to spend hours out in the freezing cold taking down a bunch of lights.

And yes, our display is still pathetic compared to our neighbors' displays, but comparison is the thief of joy.

Say no to comparison, too.



Where in your life do you have trouble saying no? What unimportant activities or obligations can you say no to right now to engage in radical self care? Is Christmas more of a burden than a blessing because you say yes to too many things? How might you find more Christmas spirit by doing less next year? 

Much Ado about Nothing

In his article "Nothing Really Matters," science journalist Adam Hadhazy writes about cosmic voids and how they might explain dark matter. Not being particularly well educated in astronomy, I skimmed the article until finding this gem of a conclusion:

"If current reckonings of dark energy...are right, the universe will keep on expanding at an ever-faster pace. The voids will swell even larger, eventually taking up almost all the space in space. Distant galaxies will slip out of view, and with them the history of the universe.... If any vestige of humanity remains many billions of years from now, and the universe's ciphers remain undecoded, our descendants might have only an all-encompassing abyss to stare into--not just space, but truly, a void." (Discover, Dec. 2016)

Whoa.

That's depressing.

We are running out of time to decode the mysteries of the universe!

Of course, since I can't decode the mysteries of Mr. Hadhazy's article, it's doubtful I'll be much help decoding the mysteries of the universe. But someone needs to get on this. How many billions of years did it take for us to evolve from the primordial soup? How much longer do we have before the endless void is all that remains, especially with the Donald in charge of the nuclear codes?

Let's not think about that.

Demetri Martin, the comedian, has a joke about mysteries. He asks why mysteries are always negative. You know, "Who killed the butler?" Or "Who stole the diamond?" Why can't it be "Who left me cupcakes?"

Wouldn't that be a lovely mystery to solve? A cupcake mystery. Sweet!

Fortunately, the possibility of an all-encompassing abyss billions of years in the future is not a legit problem for homo sapiens, and I doubt Mr. Hadhazy is worried, despite the ominous and dramatic conclusion of his article. I suspect my brain went where it did because it's currently being regulated by the Ministry of Silliness, which happens occasionally.

But when my son Jack was younger, he was worried that the sun would explode and destroy earth, which scientists say will eventually happen...billions of years from now. Jack simply couldn't understand that the sun going supernova is the least of our worries. Time meant nothing to him. Everything--including past and present--was now.

Which, in a sense, it is. Not the supernova thing, of course, but when we live our lives in the past, we stop moving forward. When we live our lives in the future, nothing gets done now. Right now is what we've got. And the now is good enough for Jimmy Buffett, so it's good enough for me.

To solve the mysteries of the universe, science asks lots of questions about what happened in the past, what's going on now, and what will happen in the future. These are fun questions to explore, and I'm in the camp that says God turned primordial soup into sophisticated brains capable of asking these sorts of questions, and it would be disrespectful not to use them. Fortunately, there are lots of different ways to look into the past, to see what's going on now, and to speculate about the future.

And also fortunately, some people actually enjoy speculating about dark matter and the all-encompassing abyss, but I shall not let their speculations make me quiver in existential angst.

Instead, I'll conduct experiments to solve the mystery of the Golden Ratio, which is simply the proper ratio of peppermint to mocha in my favorite seasonal coffee drink from Starbucks. Because that's just the sort of mystery that gives meaning to life right now.

Just like cupcakes.

Radical Self Care: Suggestion Number Two

We've taken a look at the importance of hobbies in radical self care. Hobbies tap into our creativity, our need for self-expression, and the satisfaction brought on by process creating a product. They connect us with like-minded people in community where we can share our enthusiasm. And they keep our brains active and learning.

Suggestion number two for radical self care fills a very different need.

Source

What are the rituals of your life? Amidst chaos and busyness, we need some things to be dependable, safe, comfortable, and comforting. Child-development specialists insist that a solid bedtime routine does more than help children transition from wake to sleep. Repetition of bedtime rituals makes children feel safe and secure. Yes, children often balk at bedtime, but sticking with a routine teaches them that they can successfully manage transitions from doing to resting, from fast to slow. Self-regulation begins with a healthy bedtime routine.

Adults need rituals, too, and for much the same reasons. Our rituals can be as simple as brushing teeth after breakfast to start the day quite literally minty fresh, or they might be as elaborate as attending a worship service every week. When I was in college and needed to study for an exam, I found a carrel in the bowels of Perkins Library, read all the graffiti carved into the desk and written on the wall ("Free the Bound Periodicals!"), unpacked my backpack, and hit the books with gusto.

Rituals can, of course, become disabling if they become too rigid or too complicated. But generally, we need them to ease us through our days, our weeks, our seasons of life. Rituals need to be dependable enough to give us the comfort and stability we crave, but flexible enough to accommodate the realities of life. Some rituals that serve a purpose at one time might become a hindrance at another time.

Here are a few rituals I use to take care of myself...some very small and ordinary, and others much more time-consuming and involved.

1. A quick stretch upon getting out of bed. (I learned that from watching my dog.)

2. Morning coffee while reading.

3. Cleaning and organizing my craft supplies when my creativity dries up. (This can sometimes take days and always follows a very predictable pattern. It also always works to jump-start my creativity.)

4. Praying as I fall asleep. (I used to berate myself for falling asleep while praying until I realized that giving God my last waking thoughts was actually quite wonderful.)

5. Weekly worship and weekly Bible study.

6. Getting all supplies together before starting a project.

Radical self care requires intentional actions, and rituals are intentional actions with specific purposes. They are orderly and precise in a life of chaos and ambiguity. What sorts of rituals comfort you and prepare you for dealing with the nonsense of daily life? How might you incorporate new rituals into your days to give you a greater sense of joy, peace, happiness...or maybe just "not craziness"?

Control: A Myth

Nature tries to teach us one of the most important lesson of life using just the weather...and we don't pay attention. One day last spring, it was 50 degrees and sunny. The next day, the wind gusted to 50 miles per hour and it snowed.

The snow was sticking. To trees. To grass. To our deck.

Our power flickered.

Dinner was almost derailed.

We are NOT in control.

Thank you, Jesus!

The responsibility would be crushing, don't you think? Yet we assume that responsibility all the time. We try to control others but, in the end, merely irritate them and look like fools for trying.

We expect the world--and everyone in it--to be the way we want the world--and everyone in it--to be and get angry when the world--and everyone in it--isn't what we expect.

Expectation is the mother of disappointment.

In his book Assholes: A Theory, philosopher Aaron James points out that we are much happier when we accept the reality of a situation and focus on controlling what we can control: our own actions and reactions. James' book focuses on dealing with assholes (whom, he argues, we can rarely change anyway, so why fight a fight you will lose?), but the basic idea generalizes out into many areas of life.

I suspect people with control issues just want to make the world more comfortable for themselves, but--and I speak from personal experience here--when we try to control the world, we end up miserable, bitter, angry failures. The world, like the weather, is just so uncooperative!

What, then, can we do? After five decades of life experience, I'm left with a few basic rules that seem to work on my path away from miserable, bitter, angry failure to something resembling happiness. Perhaps you've already figured these out (and faster than I did!), but here they are.

1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Or, put more colloquially, don't be an asshole.)
2. Put your energy into building up people, situations, and institutions you love rather than tearing down what you hate.
3. Most of the time, it's more important to be kind than to be right. But occasionally, it's more important to be right than kind. Wisdom is needed to discern the difference.
4. Compromise isn't weakness. It's a step forward.
5. At the end of the day, give it to God and go to sleep.

In the aftermath of an election that upset a lot of people (including me), these reminders come in handy. We aren't, individually, in control of much at all, but we can control our individual response to the situation.

Let's make it a good one.


What other life rules would you add to this list? Please share in the comments!

Radical Self Care: Suggestion Number One

I first encountered the phrase "radical self care" when reading one of  Anne Lamott's books.

Think about that phrase: radical self care. Radical self care isn't just getting a mani-pedi every two weeks. That's superficial care, affecting the surface of our lives. Sure, pretty toes and fingers might make us happy, but as anyone who's ruined a manicure within three minutes of leaving the salon can tell you, that brand of happiness is fleeting.

Radical self care goes deeper, promoting fundamental changes in our soul that grow us in some way and make us better people. We need radical self care, especially when stress and chaos and conflict rear their ugly heads. Often, we are harder on ourselves than we would ever be on others, letting our inner critic run amok in the tender places of our souls. Radical self care seeks to squash that inner critic...or at least turn it to constructive, rather than destructive, commentary.

Radical self care makes perfect sense. Safety briefings on airplanes include the warning to put your oxygen mask on in case of emergency before helping someone else. You're at your best when your mind is oxygenated, sharp, alert. Deprived of oxygen, you become confused, disoriented, stupid, and possibly dead. Put your own oxygen mask on, and you can help yourself and others. Neglect it, and you and those you might have helped will suffer.

When we feel battered and bruised and buffeted by the slings and arrows of fortune, we have to take care of ourselves.

Many of us, however, simply don't. Our own needs go unmet because we are too busy caring for others...and our souls suffocate. Sadly, too often, we don't even realize we're gasping for air. We're miserable and have no idea why.

Do you need to engage in some radical self care? Feeling lost and unsure where to start? Well, let's spend some time exploring various ways you can take care of yourself...radically. Today we will start with one of my favorite forms of radical self care: a hobby.

Researchers have found that people who enthusiastically participate at least one hobby are happier, smarter, and mentally and physically healthier, than people who don't. The best hobbies are those that incorporate making something...building Legos or model airplanes, cooking, sewing,  knitting, painting, and such, or hobbies that take you outdoors, like photography, birding, and hiking.

(Sadly, reading doesn't qualify as a hobby as researchers define the word, but reading is its own category of radical self care that we will discuss later in this series.)

Years ago, I took up paper crafting, starting with calligraphy, then moving on to making handmade books, and then to making greeting cards and scrapbooks. You might say (and George would agree with you) that I got a little carried away with paper crafting, but along with reading, it's absolutely the best form of self care for me with the deepest and most fundamental positive effects.

My Crafty Headquarters

The positive effects are, in fact, so varied and numerous that they would fill a book, but here are four big ones to get you thinking about your own preferred hobbies in a different way or to encourage you to consider finding a hobby for your own radical self care.

First, paper crafting gives my soul a creative outlet. From that, I've learned to let go of perfectionism (well, mostly) and to embrace process and failure as good and necessary. For someone who had her panties in a perfectionist bunch for years and who bulldozed her way to each and every goal, this was a revelation. I've slowed down and enjoy the process in all its messiness and mistakes...and am working to generalize this lesson to other areas of my life.

Second, paper crafting allows me to focus intensely on something other than the news, bills, my son's special education plan, my aches and pains, the mess in my basement, and our POTUS elect. Essentially, I make my crafting time a form of meditation. Being able to intentionally focus on a positive and enriching activity boosts my mood every time. A concentrated break from the chaos to create, get inky fingers, make a mess of my own that's well within my control to clean up...these things are sometimes all the therapy I need to put all those other things in proper perspective.

Third, I learn new things all the time while paper crafting, which helps keep my brain and creative self excited. The thrill of trying a new technique, watching a new product video, and reading new ways to use old supplies all get my creative juices flowing and energize me to grow and improve my skills.

Fourth, it's a hobby that connects me to other people. The products of my paper crafting almost always go to other people, and by blogging my crafty explorations, I have connected to wonderful people all over the planet. I send cards to friends and family and strangers in New Zealand, and also donate them to my church's card shop. Some people save all the cards I send them, others toss them as soon as the occasion has passed. Either way, they received a bit of love from me. And that makes me feel good.

Creativity, meditation, learning, and connection...four healthy side-effects of engaging in a hobby.

Now it's your turn. Share your hobbies with us and tell us a bit about how they enrich your life and contribute to your radical self care.