George commented recently that I haven't written much lately. He sounded a little sad about it, although perhaps that was wishful thinking on my part. I want to get back to writing more and regularly. I want to shake things up.
Joan Didion wrote, "I write to know what I think." She's not alone. Lots of writers find illumination when they organize words.
When I first started writing this blog, organizing words was relatively easy. Some posts took longer than others, but basically, writing to know what I thought felt like a smooth and reliable process. Lately, however, I've struggled to organize words. Nearly five years in, and my thinking has become nebulous, hard to grasp, a struggle.
This is a good thing.
I'm not worried. Struggle is good for a soul. It changes us, which can be scary sometimes, but our fears rarely justify themselves. Heaven knows I've had struggles in the past...struggles far more intense and serious and with much higher consequences. I've learned to trust the process of struggle. It's the process of life, after all, and I'm living well. Very well. In the past five months or so, I've done some good new things and also realized that I've let some things slide that shouldn't.
My word for 2013 was Intentional. I need that word.
That's why I'm putting up curtains and trying to lose weight because where did that new ten pounds come from? Seriously, ten pounds and nothing fits anymore. I didn't intend to gain that weight or live in a house without curtains for over a year.
The distractedness that I've felt since we moved to the new house is fading, and I'm figuring out where my focus needs to be. I want to write and think, to share and connect, to teach and learn, to inspire and be inspired. I have an idea for a book about stamping and an idea for a book of devotional writing. I have an idea for my blog transforming common days, and I'm struggling for an idea for this blog.
I'll get there, though, and I appreciate your patience in the meantime.
When have you struggled to find focus? What came out of your struggle?
Hmmmm.....maybe the planets are off track???
ReplyDeleteI've struggled with focus for the last year (maybe longer, but I hate to think I've accomplished nothing for much longer!!). Being 40 something, having a bit of job burnout (and no realistic options for change at this time)and a unexpected move from my creative space (having to downsize from the spare bedroom to a corner of my bedroom) has me very distracted!
Creative ideas are still churning, but I have no mental energy to try to make something of them.
I still haven't found the focus, but am taking some very tiny baby steps. First one, making time for some exercise and trying to eat for nutrition sake, not emotions! I think finding focus there is a good start to dealing with finding focus in all the other areas.
I'm beginning to think that this is just another chapter in Life's book that you struggle to get through because you just don't connect with it, BUT! you keep plugging at it sentence by sentence and one day, the words finally connect and you are ready to move on to the next chapter. We just have to be patient with ourselves in the meantime.
I am currently struggling to find focus, so nothing has come out of it yet. After 20 years in the same career, I'm ready for a change, but haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up! I'm just hoping that if I keep plugging along, one day things will magically start falling into place.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking that meditation would help, but how can you meditate when you can't focus? It's a vicious circle.